The Orchestra: The Violin Player Has No Clothes

By Guest author:  Darren "Clickbait" Vogue (A parody of recent events by shameless journalists)

There was much applause at the wildly successful campaign to raise money to bring the Berlin Philharmonic Orchestra to most metropolitan areas.  From the efforts by fans of all stripes funding "The Orchestra" it was going to be possible to give away free tickets to an orchestra so everyone can have the joys of live music.

It was to end the debate about what live music was going to sounds like, and what gave the most realistic sound by bringing reality to every man woman and child that wanted it in the United States.

It was said on the fundraising page “Everyone who’s ever heard The Orchestra will tell you that the difference is surprising and dramatic,” they wrote. “They tell us that not only do they hear the difference; they feel it in their body, in their soul.”

Famous musicians react to the Orchestra sound they’ve just heard. “That music made me feel good. Much better than I’ve felt in a long time listening to music,” says Norah Jones. “This gives it to you as good as you can get it,” says Tom Petty. “MP3 is like seeing a Xerox of the Mona Lisa,” says Elvis Costello.

But, unfortunately, this magic is only available if you obtain a ticket to a show, and drive to the show, and sit in a chair and listen to instruments being played by others.  While the tickets are free, that's a pretty high burden.

But ... the argument, you have to admit, it attractive - you don't know what you are missing unless you hear the music played live.

Unfortunately that isn't true.

As an expert at Guitar Hero, DJ Hero and playing a mean waxpaper comb, I know what music ought to sound like, and that Orchestra fell short.  Painfully short.  I couldn't tell the difference between the rehearsal of the Berlin Philharmonic playing right in front of me, and my iPod playing an MP3 of "Color Me Badd's Greatest Hits."  In fact, I think the iPod sounded better than that Orchestra.

But to be sure I set up a blind test, where blindfolded, with no idea which source was playing the first movement of Beethoven's 3rd was played by the Belin Philharmoic and compared to an MP3 of Meghan Trainor's "It's All About the Bass" using identical chairs, and identical people listening, and it was clear that the audience was unable to tell the difference, and showed a slight preference for the iPod.

And we were pretty sure that the Violin Player had no clothes on.  Or was that some other tired, worn out fable about self-important figures, prancing around nude, making proclamations?  It was hard to tell given the amazing MP3 compared to the identically sounding orchestra.

The Orchestra

While extremely famous, the Berlin Philharmonic can hardly be described as portable.  The instruments fill a semi trailer, and the musicians fill a stage.  In order for them to move, it takes a lot of effort - taxicabs, a bus and air-planes.  Several Air-planes to get to the next city.  By comparison, my iPod fits in my pocket wherever I go.

The iPod can hold 10,000 of my MP3's, but I was pretty sure the Orchestra could only play the single Symphony during the test.  Point two for the iPod.

The Verdict

After doing extensive listening tests, it was clear that there was a significant preference for the earbuds and iPod to the Belin Philharmonic.  Why would you spend all the time and effort to go see an Orchestra - essentially to hear music you already have an MP3 of, since the result sounds no better than what’s on your phone already? 

My advice: If you want a better, richer, better balanced, less tiring, more comfortable listening experience, you don’t have to go to an Orchestra.

Just load up on a nice pair of earbuds and an iPod.  You won't be able to tell the difference.